hey! today, i'm here to educate you on he/him & they/them lesbians! let's continue, shall we?
first of all
are you a lesbian?
if you're a lesbian...
you are allowed to join the he/him & they/them lesbians discourse! however, it is important for you to know about the subject so you won't end up hurting our lovely siblings! if, after this carrd, you still have your doubts, please consider, at least, respecting these entities! after all, we're in this together!
now, let's carry on!
if you're not a lesbian...
it is important for you to know that this discourse does not involve you, therefore, you shall not join it.
just like cis people shall stay off trans discourse because they don't know how it feels to be trans, you shall stay off lesbian discourse because you don't know how it feels to be a lesbian.
also, NEVER try to silence a lesbian. let lesbians use their own voices.
got it? let's carry on!
what is a they/them lesbian?
a they/them lesbian is a non-binary masculine, feminine, or non-aligned person who identifies as a lesbian and chooses to go by they/them pronouns (or a woman that identifies as a lesbian and chooses to go by those pronouns).
why do they use these pronouns?
there may be different reasons such as:
they're a non-binary person.
they feel disconnected from their womanhood.
the second reason will be developed in the he/him lesbians section.
what is a he/him lesbian?
a he/him lesbian is a non-binary masculine, feminine, or non-aligned person who identifies as a lesbian and chooses to go by he/him pronouns (or a woman that identifies as a lesbian and chooses to go by those pronouns).
why do they use these pronouns?
they might use these pronouns to feel safer and more comfortable, as they feel disconnected from their womanhood! they might also use these pronouns because they're non-binary and feel more comfortable with them.
he/him pronouns aren't used only by butch lesbians.
is this a new concept?
NO! he/him lesbians have existed for a long time. while some lesbians tried to pass as men to feel safer, many used he/him pronouns in lgbt spaces and with their partners. over time, this use of pronouns became a form of gender non-conformity and a big part of lesbian history.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
so he/him lesbians aren't men?
no! as i've already said, he/him lesbians are women OR non-binary people. you can be a lesbian as long as you're not a man and go by any pronouns you wish to go by. if you're a woman or a non-binary person, no matter your alignment, you can be a lesbian.
but aren't pronouns gendered?
pronouns don't always equal gender. although, they do, in a lot of cases! saying that pronouns don't equal gender at all would be ignorant and transphobic because it'd be insinuating misgendering people is not a thing.
pronouns are a form of gender expression. they can match gender identity but they don't always do. just like clothes, haircuts and names.
some non-binary people go by he/him or she/her and that doesn't make them any less non-binary. some people even go by all pronouns!
drag queens can, also, be used as an example. while they aren't completely similar to he/him lesbians, they often may go by she/her while identifying as men! and everyone uses she/her for them! however, it is important to know that he/him lesbians aren't playing with those pronouns, like some drag queens, and while some drag queens don't use she/her all the time, he/him lesbians do use he/him all the time. that being said, it's never hard to respect those drag queens' pronouns, so it shouldn't be hard to respect he/him lesbians' pronouns.
if you still have any questions, i suggest you talk to a he/him or they/them lesbian or do some more research!
enbysbians.carrd.co is a really informative carrd that goes deeper into the subject. stone butch blues is also a book worth reading.